i dont normaly do this but scence i know no one is going to read this anyway i dont think it will hert.
mood:dipressed
Thoughts:
Why me? sometime i do belive in god because hes like a kid with a magnifing glass. Lets see how long i can hold this here before she cracks.
i thought i had my life in order, i had friends job life, but no that never lasts long with me. ill have a few good weeks but then life realy starts. its one thing after another. i cant seam to do anything right, and who the hell in the right mind would want to be with me anyway. i would not wish me on my werst enamy.
i know i could never commit suicide but that does not stop the thought from going through my mind. how many people would be better  off if i were not here. how many people could i have elevated the bother of haveing ever known me.
why is it i alway find the guys the are not "emotionly" avalable. i always get im just not ready for a relationship right now. the timeings not right. I dont think your ready. why cant i just once find someone that see me for me and loves me for it. does not take advatige of me. does not over look me or push me aside. am i that ugly(inside and out) that i dont deserve to be with someone. what have i done to make it so hard.
why is it i see my life going down the drain and i do nothing to stop it?
dose anyone notice?
dose anyone care?
Im falling into a darkes and i see no way out.
HELP